This episode is part of the Elevated Leadership Podcast Series, co-hosted with Julianna Yau Yorgan. It is available here on The Uncommon Career Podcast and The Daring to Succeed Podcast.

Speak Up Without the Backlash: A Practical Guide to Assertiveness at Work

The hesitation before speaking up often carries a vivid warning: say something and chaos follows—relationships crack, credibility dips, opportunities vanish. That story keeps many professionals quiet even when clarity would help everyone in the room.

In a conversation with Julianna Yau Yorgan, the throughline was simple and liberating: most of the catastrophes imagined never happen, and the cost of being perpetually “polite” is real—missed airtime, muddled expectations, and invisible contributions. This segment translates that insight into everyday communication moves that help set boundaries, claim space, and keep relationships positive while your voice actually gets heard.

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What Assertiveness Really Means (and Why It’s Needed Daily)

Assertiveness shows up in the ordinary friction of modern work: meetings where one person monopolizes the conversation, updates that assume your perspective isn’t needed, “favors” that quietly expand your workload because expectations were never clarified. Being assertive means stating needs and perspectives with steady tone, while treating others’ needs as equally real. It’s a stance that preserves dignity—yours and theirs—without sliding into apology or aggression.

• Assertive ≠ aggressive: the former balances needs with respect; the latter bulldozes.

• Air time is earned by clarity, not volume: concise, relevant points travel farther than long explanations.

• Most fears are exaggerated by the brain under stress: test reality with small, low-risk steps.

The reason this matters isn’t abstract: unvoiced boundaries create hidden costs in time, energy, and outcomes. Those costs compound into stalled visibility and stalled growth.

• Boundaries protect well-being and work quality, not just a calendar.

• Clarity is kindness: when you voice expectations, teammates stop guessing.

• Respect is the baseline: speak directly, keep the temperature low, and focus on the work.

The Inner Story: From Catastrophe Thinking to Calm Action

That jolt of anxiety before speaking up isn’t proof that something will go wrong; it’s a nervous system running a worst-case simulation. The habit of catastrophic forecasting makes ordinary conversations feel like conflict. A better approach is to interrogate the story: “Is this actually risky, or is the brain magnifying risk to avoid discomfort?” Many professionals avoid asserting themselves because someone, somewhere, did it badly—loud, boastful, dismissive—and the mind coded “assertive” as “that.” Instead of running from the wrong model, look for the right one: a calm, candid style that blends confidence with respect.

When the inner story changes, the voice follows.

• Reality check: ask, “How would this likely land with this person, in this context?”

• Model the desired style: picture a respectful, composed communicator—not the caricature you’re avoiding.

• Humble confidence beats bravado: clear, specific contributions speak louder than puffery.

Language That Opens Doors (and Keeps Conversations Collaborative)

Words are switches.

A few phrases lower defenses and create space—even with enthusiastic talkers who rarely pause. One reliable entry move is leading with affirmation—“yes,” “agree,” “building on that”—then adding a concise point. That tiny dose of affirmation meets a natural human need to feel heard, which buys the breath you need to enter the flow. From there, the tone stays warm while the message stays firm. If a term is unfamiliar, request a quick definition and connect it to familiar ground. If the question is broad, summarize in one line and pivot to a clear takeaway.

Every move signals: on the same team, advancing the work.

• Affirm then add: “Yes—and one thing to consider is…” or “Agree—here’s how that plays out on X project.”

• Ask micro-clarifiers: “When you say ‘ownership,’ do you mean decision rights or execution?”

• Bridge gracefully: “Here’s a similar case that maps to this.” (Then land one relevant takeaway.)

• Claim airtime explicitly (with warmth): “Would like to add a quick perspective before we decide.”

Make Space, Share Space: Navigating Dominant Voices Without Friction

Some colleagues over-talk without malice—they’re passionate or unaware.

Assuming the worst hardens conversations that don’t need to be hard. Offering a brief positive cue (“that point resonates”), followed by a concise contribution, reframes the dynamic from competition to collaboration. Most people respond to that cue with openness, especially when your addition advances the shared goal. And if the pattern persists, a steady boundary helps: request a turn, name the time you need, and tie your point to a decision on the table.

The message is simple—respecting the flow, adding value, and expecting room to contribute.

• Lead with team language: “Building on your idea, the risk to watch is…”

• Ask for the floor: “A quick 30 seconds to flag a dependency before we lock this?”

• Anchor to the decision: “This affects the timeline—here’s the tradeoff.”

• Assume positive intent: many over-talkers don’t realize they’re crowding the room.

Clarity Without Over-Explaining (Email, DM, and In-Room)

Over-explaining often hides a quiet hunt for reassurance—more words to earn validation.

The result reads anxious instead of confident. Trim to the essential facts, the request, and the next step. In outreach, match tone to purpose: direct beats defensive. A real example from coaching: a professional wanted to network on LinkedIn but felt “disingenuous,” so messages ballooned into justifications. Once the internal story aligned with authentic intent, the external language became short and clear—and responses improved. Assertiveness is easier when the inside matches the outside.

• Email edit rule: state context in one line, request in one line, deadline or next step in one line.

• Drop apologies used as filler: replace with “Thanks for your patience—here’s the update.”

• Check for validation drift: if the message grows to “earn” a yes, tighten it.

The Emotional Layer: Neutralize Before You Vocalize

Some conversations feel like conflict because past experiences are still loud. When emotion sits unprocessed, a simple ask feels like a fight. Neutralizing emotion first—through reflection, journaling, or coaching—returns conversations to their true size. Once calm is restored, the same sentence lands very differently. This isn’t about detachment; it’s about separating today’s situation from yesterday’s story, so your voice carries clarity instead of charged momentum.

• Name the feeling privately: “anxious,” “annoyed,” “defensive”—labeled feelings lose intensity.

• Test the assumption: “Is this actually risky— or is the brain exaggerating?”

• Choose timing and channel: some topics land better in 1:1 than in a crowded call.

Small, Safe Reps That Build a Bigger Voice

Confidence grows from reps, not rumination. Practice in low-stakes contexts first: offer one concise thought in a routine meeting; ask one clarifying question in a cross-team call; share one short win in an update. Each rep supplies data that contradicts the disaster reel. As Julianna highlighted, most people won’t remember a slightly clunky moment—and those who do often remember the substance, not the stutter.

The reality is kinder than the imagination.

• One point per meeting: “Flagging one risk so we can plan around it.”

• One question per decision: “What does success look like by Friday?”

• One win per week: “Quick share: the pilot cut cycle time by 12%.” (Short, specific, done.)

Assertive Phrasing for Common Scenarios

Having a few lines ready reduces cognitive load when the moment arrives.

Keep them warm, direct, and brief.

• When expectations are unclear: “To deliver what’s needed, can you confirm priority: A or B?”

• When scope is creeping: “Happy to help—what should be paused to make room for this?”

• When airtime is needed: “A perspective to add before we move on.” (Then 20–30 seconds, max.)

• When someone talks over you: “Jumping back to complete that thought in 10 seconds—then eager to hear yours.”

• When disagreement is necessary: “Seeing it differently on X; the risk is Y. Suggest Z as a middle path.”

Presence Signals That Support Your Voice

Posture, eye contact, and tone are small levers with outsized returns. Upright posture and a grounded speaking pace signal steadiness to listeners and to the body producing the words. Professional presence also shows up in what’s worn and how attention is carried; when appearance and delivery feel intentional, internal permission to speak rises. None of this replaces substance—it simply ensures substance lands.

• Posture first: a grounded stance slows cadence and lifts volume naturally.

• Eyes to camera (on video): the quickest path to connection and authority.

• Pace beats speed: short sentences deliver clarity under pressure.

Replace Over-Politeness with Positive Directness

Over-politeness is a mask for fear that honesty will be seen as aggression.

Positive directness threads the needle: warm tone, clear words, concrete requests. A simple pattern helps—affirm contribution, state the need, propose the path. It reads respectful and decisive, not demanding. Over time this becomes a reputation: easy to collaborate with, unafraid to say the necessary thing.

• Affirm → Need → Path: “Appreciate the push; need one extra day for QA; proposing a Monday noon handoff.”

• Praise precisely: “Strong insight on customer churn; let’s pair it with a retention test.”

• Decline cleanly: “Not able to take this on; bandwidth is committed to X deliverable this week.”

A Week of Practice (No Timers, No Scripts—Just Real Life)

Skip minute-by-minute regimens; integrate assertiveness into the week you already have. Choose one meeting, one decision, and one relationship where voice would meaningfully improve outcomes. Decide one sentence for each and deliver it. Review how it landed, then iterate. The compounding effect is quiet but real: fewer misunderstandings, faster decisions, healthier boundaries—and a reputation for clarity that follows you from room to room.

• Meeting: plan one addition or one clarifying question.

• Decision: name one tradeoff or one risk to consider.

• Relationship: share one concise appreciation or one direct request.

Quiet Courage, Clear Words, Better Work

Assertiveness is not volume; it’s aligned action. Speak to be helpful, not to win.

Enter fast-moving conversations with an affirming bridge, then add value in the team’s language. Keep emails short and requests direct. When emotion swells, neutralize first so words travel clean. Practice in low-stakes moments and let reality disprove the disaster reel.

The payoff is practical and profound: stronger relationships, sharper decisions, and workdays that feel more honest—because your voice is finally in the room.